Few were surprised at yesterday's news that Eric Norton is to be replaced as Bruce Bixby in the forthcoming X-Men movie.

Indeed, on the set of last year's The Amazing Hulk he famously boiled the piss of cast and crew alike, from his constant undermining of director Mike Leigh, to his insistence on being present during the edit, to his refusal to finish his tea unless the boom operator with milkshake on his moustache was ejected from the set.

Combine these regular diva outbursts with his much publicised spat with the film's producers DC Comics (in which Norton and studio head Avi Buffalo fell out after the mogul returned a copy of Stephen King's It to Norton with a creased spine and its cover stained with splashes of Pot Noodle) and it's not hard to see why the production was so troubled.

But pushy stars and careless readers are only the half of it. A uniquely placed source has revealed to me the REAL reason Norton caused such consternation on set, consternation which has ultimately led to him being fired from JJ Abrams X-Men movie. And that reason was his on-running feud with a fellow cast-member. For while Norton's behaviour may have raised eyebrows, it was chicken feed compared to the rude, arrogant and downright unprofessional antics of the CGI Hulk.

From the get-go, any attempts Norton made to befriend the toplining star were rebuffed. Locking himself in his trailer for days with his entourage to roll endless spliffs and play Grand Theft Audioslave, the CGI Hulk made no effort to mingle with his cast and crew, only emerging to film the occasional scene through a fog of marijuana smoke or work his ticket with the female crew-members, three of whom have since given birth to mentally challenged flourescant infants.

This unreasonable behaviour wound up co-star Jennifer Beals to the point that, upon spotting the CGI Hulk emerging from the bathroom without washing his hands, she immediately lodged a formal complaint against the pixellated green behemoth. The creature was livid, especially after he was told there would be no XBox for three days, and instantly swore to get even with the snitch. However, it wasn't Beals in his sights - it was Norton.

For the duration of the fateful bathroom visit, the CGI Hulk had been reading an Oor Wullie annual belonging to Norton. Knowing the actor's tetchy attitude to book-borrowing (and having witnessed the star's awkward nature in the catering truck the previous day when the CGI Hulk deliberately squashed a doughnut and Norton was heard to audibly tut) the CGI Hulk put two and two together and vowed revenge.

Despite keeping a dignified silence in relation to the CGI Hulk's dreadful behaviour, Norton had become increasingly wound up with the creature's lack of respect and the frustrations of both sides boiled over the following day when, during a script read-through, the CGI Hulk pumped and blamed it on Norton.

This was the final straw for the actor, whose cries of 'he who smelt it dealt it!' cut no mustard with either his fellow actors or director Mike Leigh who sent the star out, warning him in no uncertain terms not to return until he'd visited the toilet. As the CGI Hulk sat smirking behind his hand, Norton visibly seethed.

However, from that day forth, the mood on the set was strangely peaceful, as both the CGI Hulk and Norton buckled down to finish the movie like adults. Indeed, when the final cut was delivered on time and under budget, Avi Buffallo personally commended his two leads for their professionalism. However, this was all part of Norton's masterplan, a masterplan which now appears to have backfired disatrously.

For while smiling like a crocodile onset and cosying up to his co-star for the cameras, the Zodiac star was secretly negotiating with the Universal top brass to replace the CGI Hulk in any future franchise entries with none other than his childhood buddy, star of the original 1960's TV series Lou Flamingo!

And he almost pulled it off. However, unbeknown to Norton, Buffalo was already secretly aware of the actor's plans to go over his head and got to the blind bodybuilder first. A simple offer of his own fitness/self-help/pole-dancing workout DVD plus all the Haribo Sports Mixture he could eat was all it took to persuade Flamingo to double-cross his old friend.

Word on the street is that Norton last week rolled up to the first day of shooting on X-Men wearing a shit-eating grin expecting to see the iconic sight of Flamingo in tight jeans, enormous false nose and Tina Turner wig. When instead he was greeted by the CGI Hulk and his entourage sitting atop his ride drinking Cristal straight from the bottle surrounded by bitchez and bluntz, he was floored. Leaving the set immediately as the CGI Hulk, Avi Buffalo, JJ Abrams and even Captain Fantastic actor Robert Downey Jr bid the actor farewell with a volley of 'wanker' gestures, Norton cut the figure of a broken man.

To make matters worse, Buffalo has since offered the role of Bruce Bixby to his brother Mark, Norton's Seven co-star and arch enemy, the pair having famously fell out after clashing onset over who had the best football boots. In that instance, chaos was overted when Buffalo eventually emerged from under his bed and agreed to complete the movie, but only if director David Finchly promised to take him to Wimpy every day for a whole week.

But that's another story...

The Shepherd,
04:51
15/7/2010